"You're looking so well"

One of the things I have faced in the last two years since my recovery is people who have not seen me since I was sick meeting me and saying "You're looking so well".
Now, initially I took this as a complement, bald and thin as I was, and said 'thank you'. However, two years on when it is said to me I sometimes forget I was sick and that they are saying this thing with my illness in mind. I'm regularly stuck for something to say so I often just say, 'thanks, you look great too'. I mean, hey, this is often not relevant (or true :)) or appropriate but I don't know what else to say.

Sometimes these people, who all mean the best by the way, do actually bring up the illness and ask how how it impacted me, how I am feeling now and if I have any symptoms since. After two years this feels like a crazy question but, as I say, it is well meant. I'm polite and am general and generally skirt around the issue before changing the subject. What else can I do? I mean, the truth may not work so well. I could mention extreme constipation, puking, losing my hair, low blood count to the point of not being able to walk, sharing a ward with other cancer patients staring (their) death in the face every day, a million needles, steroids leading to horrendous nightmares and chemotherapy 24 hours a day for 7 days six times over.....all of this is not after dinner conversation....at least most of the time. Just writing that has made me smile as I compare my life now (i.e. free of all that stuff) to then.

And speaking of horrendous dreams......at the end of each 7 days chemo I would have 10 days off before the next round. The hardest thing during this period was dealing with the 'come down' from the steroids. The doctors had said that this was not common, but by God did I have nightmares for two nights after I stopped. The worst I remember was me as a petrol pump attendant in Las Vegas (Given I live in Ireland the reason for this is not clear) - a car pulled up with two Pandas in the front and two rhinos in the back with Chewbacca from Star Wars and they proceeded to chase me with axes and iron bars. Funny in hindsight, but at the time I woke up in a cold sweat.
Hey, maybe that's the story I tell these people who tell me how great I look. It's got to work better than the truth.

Dreams

One of the things I have started to get interested in since I was sick is the idea that your body tries to provide you with messages and signals. This can be as simple as things like being particularly tired -  Before I got sick I used to simply ignore this feeling and keep working until, inevitably, a week later I would crash. Now I listen and actually rest (at least most of the time). It can also mean that dreams are providing you with messages. Now, I'm not talking about the ones where a camel with wings and a buck tooth are chasing you down the main shopping street of town. I'm talking about the ones which are personal to your situation. I started to notice this when I was recovering from cancer. Now it happens quite regularly and more often when I am in good shape (eating well, running, not drinking and doing some meditation). I have this simple theory that the first thing that comes into my head, literally the initial interpretation, about what the dream is trying to tell you is probably correct.

So I had one of these dreams two nights ago. I was sitting around a large table with my family and extended family and we were all singing Elbow's "One day like this" (the significance of which to me was explained in a previous post). Now my family as as not particularly musical, although it has its stars, but sitting around singing songs is not something that happens any Monday afternoon.
However, given that I was about to visit the town where my extended family is about to meet up as part of a local festival this was quite telling for me. I had been thinking about how important it was to connect with friends and family when the opportunity arises and this dream was, to me, indicating that I need to grab this opportunity. Simple? Yes. But when I am actually in this situation (i.e. with friends and family) or about to be, this dream then serves to help me stay in the present and enjoy every moment.
Now this is all fine. However, the same night I had a pre-ceeding dream that I walked out of a door which was on the side of a cliff. I had the choice to try to clamber down (which would lead to certain death) or go back in through the door. This was just a huge metaphor for the cancer journey I had gone through and so I don't think that the fact that the "Elbow" dream that followed it was coincidence. A clear message to myself that I had chosen to live (with the no small help of chemotherapy of course :) ) and I should grab it with both hands........all things I have started to focus on since I started blogging on this subject.

So the conclusion for me is that I am very in touch with what is going on in my mind or that I have completely lost my mind.