The new year - A new me

So...a new year. Nearly three since I was diagnosed. What has changed recently.
An interesting thing (at least for me) . For some time after I was sick (and before I was finished chemo), I knew I had to do at last something, something which involved being in touch with the cancer community. I don't like the phrase 'give something back' but you know what I mean. The thing is......for over two years now I think I was so focused on normal life again. This is not an excuse but a reality. Married, three children, full time job, the whole bit. I regularly thought about it but, deep down, I just didn't feel ready. I can't put it any simpler than that.
In the last few weeks something has changed in me. For the first time I have a sense of being ready. Like I have matured. This is a strange feeling. The trigger was a neighbour who died from cancer a few weeks ago. I felt this so deeply - seeing him (with my wife), going to the funeral, meeting his wife (whom my children love). While I have always thought about what happened to me every single day, it all came back to me when this man died. And for the first time I thought, yes I can. It's a strange thing - I am an IT professional, well educated, used to speaking to people and for the last two years have been convinced I would not be able to talk to sick people, despite my experience of being sick. Don't get me wrong, I would be a novice (a complete newbie), but for the first time I believe it is something I could do, with time and training.

So I signed up for a national charity day, collecting money for cancer in March. That, however, is an easy thing. I also inquired into the next step - volunteering for the national cancer charity, and whatever that might mean. I've just been told that this involves 4 full days' training in April. And now a new dilemma. Four days out of my holidays seems like so many - can I commit to this, and whatever comes after this. I know I can do it, but can I commit to this? Or will I need some time to take this next step? And will I end up thinking less of myself if I don't this year? There's a voice in my mind saying this would be the most significant learning opportunity I'd ever have - learning in a new way for me (academic has always been easy for me, dealing with people has always been difficult).

Didn't mean to go on. I will decide over the next few weeks. But hey, this is a start.