The Ordeal

Two years ago I had cancer. I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. There was a tmour the size of my fist wrapped around a vein in the centre of my chest. No laughing matter. With hindsight what is funny is how I remember noticing something was wrong. Whenever I went for a a few dinks (and I mean only 2 or 3 drinks) the next morning my neck was swollen. And when I tied my shoelaces I had to catch my breath for a few seconds afterwards.

So....6 months of treatment. 6 Sessions of 5X24 hour days in hospital hooked up to chemo split by 10 days at home. Definitely no laughing matter. But again, with hindsight I do laugh at the thought that struck me towards the end. I was literally gagging for the chemo to start, because I knew the sooner it started the sooner it would all finish. I remember the movie the French Connection 2 where Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman) was begging his captors for more heroin as they had created an addict in him. I often smile when I think of my urgency to get it going. CRAZY in hindsight only.

They say that you cannot hide from chemo therapy. It always finds everybody's weakness. My weakness was my blood. Every time I went through it my blood cell count was so low after a few days I could hardly walk to the bathroom without being out of breath and several times needed a blood transfusion. And I have always been really active - a runner who loved swimming and weights. I do remember at the start, being in the hospital and thinking that I could keep up some muscle mass and be a little bit fit during this madness. I was on the floor of a bathroom doing press ups becuase I knew if a nurse saw me I'd get a earful of abuse. Well, the downside was that I collapsed and was flat out for a few minutes. Lucky really, I may not have got up at all. Needless to say this has never been mentioned to anyone.

And then it ended. The thing I desired the most was to be able to go to the gym. Again, not what I'd imagine what everybody would want after the big ordeal, but I knew it was what would make me feel normal again. And I desperately wanted to feel normal again. I wanted to feel the adrenaline running through me again. The day I ran for the first time, which was an impressive feat of about 50 metres before I flagged, I cried.