Wednesday, August 22, 2012

"You're looking so well"

One of the things I have faced in the last two years since my recovery is people who have not seen me since I was sick meeting me and saying "You're looking so well".
Now, initially I took this as a complement, bald and thin as I was, and said 'thank you'. However, two years on when it is said to me I sometimes forget I was sick and that they are saying this thing with my illness in mind. I'm regularly stuck for something to say so I often just say, 'thanks, you look great too'. I mean, hey, this is often not relevant (or true :)) or appropriate but I don't know what else to say.

Sometimes these people, who all mean the best by the way, do actually bring up the illness and ask how how it impacted me, how I am feeling now and if I have any symptoms since. After two years this feels like a crazy question but, as I say, it is well meant. I'm polite and am general and generally skirt around the issue before changing the subject. What else can I do? I mean, the truth may not work so well. I could mention extreme constipation, puking, losing my hair, low blood count to the point of not being able to walk, sharing a ward with other cancer patients staring (their) death in the face every day, a million needles, steroids leading to horrendous nightmares and chemotherapy 24 hours a day for 7 days six times over.....all of this is not after dinner conversation....at least most of the time. Just writing that has made me smile as I compare my life now (i.e. free of all that stuff) to then.

And speaking of horrendous dreams......at the end of each 7 days chemo I would have 10 days off before the next round. The hardest thing during this period was dealing with the 'come down' from the steroids. The doctors had said that this was not common, but by God did I have nightmares for two nights after I stopped. The worst I remember was me as a petrol pump attendant in Las Vegas (Given I live in Ireland the reason for this is not clear) - a car pulled up with two Pandas in the front and two rhinos in the back with Chewbacca from Star Wars and they proceeded to chase me with axes and iron bars. Funny in hindsight, but at the time I woke up in a cold sweat.
Hey, maybe that's the story I tell these people who tell me how great I look. It's got to work better than the truth.


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